High-functioning anxiety to be precise. That’s what I was ‘diagnosed’ with at the grand age of 20. I was really struggling, and had been for years but it was always put down to my “teenage years”.

I won’t lie, I tend to agree to an extent. The transition from child to teenager to adult is a tough one and like many I struggled. Hormones really do have something to answer for.

It was only when I started to see my first counsellor that I really started to understand that maybe I did need some additional help - that’s not to say it didn’t take a few more years of poor decisions to actually heed any advice I was given! I’ve seen several people over the years both through the NHS and privately and just having someone to talk about things with has been a huge help.

I always say everyone has a choice in life. Sometimes the cards that we are dealt, are not necessarily what we would have chosen for ourselves but we can choose to use our experiences to our advantage and become someone in spite of it, or we can use it as an excuse and become someone because of it.

I choose to use my experiences and my ‘quirks’ to push myself out of my comfort zone and take control of my own narrative. I don’t let my anxiety determine what I can and can’t do - I choose to have a career in sales and marketing, talking to people on a daily basis - something that over time has become easier but there are still days where I find it incredibly hard. I mess up words, sentences, I fumble, but the main thing is I use every experience to help build my coping mechanisms, making it easier next time. 

Mental health used to be a taboo subject. These days I can’t help but think the opposite. I have to ask the question, these ‘problems’ we have, are some of them just part of our personality? Something to be aware of and manage as opposed to use as reasons to why we make the choices we do? I’m not saying that generally, as of course any health concerns mental or physical should be taken with the severity they are due, however, I do believe it has enabled a lot of behaviour that is not necessarily beneficial to society and life in general. Just my opinion.

Having anxiety doesn’t make me strong; it doesn’t make me succeed. What does is having the strength to admit it, understand it and work with it. I’m not perfect, far from it. I have always strived to be perfect for everyone around me, usually to my own detriment, but I want the best for the people I love. I want my children to have the opportunities I had growing up, and more. There are days where I’m sad; days when I’m angry; days when I’m indifferent; but I always show up. Part of having a family, being a family, is taking the highs with the lows and I’m grateful to those who understand that and continue to stand with me. 

- Morgan x